This article originally appeared in the September 1999 issue of GammOnLine.
Thank you to Kit Woolsey for his kind permission to reproduce it here.

Simborg's Laws of Backgammon

By Phil Simborg

It's easy to tell when you have a great roll—the dice will be cocked.

Never give a cube you're afraid will be taken.

Buying your opponent drinks is the best investment you'll ever make.

No cube is too big if the stakes are too low.

The secret of success is to always play worse players (and roll great).

The number of good rolls is directly proportional to the number of good plays.

It's easy to make a great play: just think of a really dumb play, and do the opposite.

He who bears off last, laughs last.

I like opponents who have courtesy and cash.

If you want to really bore someone, tell them all about your bad rolls.

Happiness is a two hour box run.

The shortest distance between two points is a drop.

You are most likely to win back games when it's your opponent who is playing them.

If you want someone to really hate you, right after you win a game, point out what they did wrong.

Anyone who isn't superstitous hasn't played backgammon.

When the match is over, everyone thinks they rolled worse.

Everyone thinks they roll worse than the next guy.

If two players break even, they will both be pissed.

It's not a good box run until you've lost the box without getting killed that last game.

Every roll makes somebody happy.

Nobody really feels sorry for the other guy when he loses.

Everyone likes cash.

Everyone is superstitious about something.

Except for Jake, nobody actually keeps an honest record of what they've won or lost.

Nobody likes to drop a cube.

A drunk opponent is the best opponent.

Most "accidentally" wrong plays seem to work in favor of the player who moved the checkers.

Everyone steams some time.

It is better to cube too late than too early.

If you are consistently unlucky, it probably isn't the dice at all.

If you can't take all the cubes, you probably shouldn't take any.

If you are playing this game for a living, you ain't living.

Sometimes, you just got to scream and shout and let it out!

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