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Fun and frustration
Simborg's laws of backgammon
Posted with author's permission.
SIMBORG'S LAWS OF BACKGAMMON
Its easy to tell when you have a great roll--the dice will be cocked.
The secret of success is to always play worse players (and roll great).
Anyone who isnt superstitious hasnt played much backgammon.
For every cube action, there is an equal and opposite cube action (that
will bite you in the ass later).
There are three kinds of people in this world: those who know how to count
pips and those who dont.
Never give a cube youre afraid will be taken.
Buying your opponent drinks is the best investment youll ever make.
The shortest distance between two points is a drop.
Happiness is a two hour box run.
If youre not a compulsive/addictive personality, theres no point playing
No cube is too big if the stakes are too low.
If you often risk the game to go for the gammon/More likely than not,
youll end up the salmon.
When the match is over, everyone thinks they rolled worse.
Its easy to make a great play: just think of a really dumb play, and do
If you want someone to really hate you, right after you win a game, point
out what they did wrong.
If you want someone to really hate you, complain about your rolls right
after youve won.
Theres no more difference between playing for money and playing for fun
than there is between a loaded gun and a water pistol.
With computerize backgammon, it is now possible to feel angry, degraded,
and depressed any time and any place in the world, twenty-four hours a day.
Playing in too big a game is like reaching under a cow: you can get hurt
bad if the steaks are over your head. (And you can get udderly creamed.)
You are most likely to win back games when its your opponent who is
Duplication is highly highly overrated.
You can judge a player by his hit and cover.
The number of good rolls is directly proportional to the number of good
Please forgive me if I dont remember playing you before--its probably
because you beat me.
Remember: once in a while, people actually lose for reasons other than
just bad rolling.
If you stop to truly consider all the variables before every move, plan on
at least spending the night.
If you want to really bore someone, tell them all about your bad rolls.
You can't win if he has nothing to lose.
I like opponents who have courtesy and cash.
If making others happy and being kind to others is important to you, then
you should not play backgammon.
He who bears off last, laughs last.
©1997 Phil Simborg
Fun and frustration
- A game brings you money (Michael J. Zehr, Feb 1996)
- A story from my youth (neilkaz, Aug 2008)
- Backgammon at 50 (Mary Hickey, July 2005)
- Backgammon by mail (MelRae, Aug 1997)
- Backgammon haikus (Phil Simborg, July 2004)
- Backgammon hustler (Socks, Apr 2004)
- Backgammon laws (Walt Swan, Dec 1999)
- Beginner's luck (Paul Tanenbaum, May 1999)
- Characters we all know (Alan Webb, Feb 1999)
- Choking under pressure (Kevin Bastian, Dec 1997)
- Danish Championship semifinal match (Daniel Murphy+, Nov 2004)
- Don't come looking for sympathy ... (Ian Shaw, Nov 2004)
- "Good roll!" (jfk+, Jan 1998)
- Hard luck story contest (Einar Tryggvason, Apr 1996)
- "I resign" (neilkaz, June 2011)
- Lonely checker's lament (Luvrhino+, Aug 2001)
- Losing streaks (Stanley E. Richards+, June 2006)
- Losing streaks (Leo Bueno+, Nov 1999)
- Losing streaks (Jim Peplow, July 1998)
- New Year's resolutions (Alan Webb, Jan 2000)
- One-liners (scuba, Jan 2007)
- Simborg's laws of backgammon (NYCGuy, June 1997)
- Some learning humor (Daniel Murphy, Aug 2011)
- Ten commandments of backgammon (Morten Wang, Nov 1997)
- The square thing (David B. Sandler, June 1996)
- Translation fun (James Eibisch, Feb 1998)
- What are the chances? (Pete+, Mar 2003)
- Wishing good luck (Michel Tarragnat, Apr 2005)